Steps To Survive A Horror Movie

See that dark house coming closer and closer? Yeah. That’s Halloween approaching and in the spirit of the holiday I share with you the following. Recently, well actually very recently, The Twitter unleashed the hashtag, #StepsToSurviveAHorrorMovie and lemme tell you, it went off. So did I. Then a few of mine were in the top tweets for a few moments (there were so many!) and it quickly became a country wide top trending topic. I’ve decided to share a few of mine.

Note: These are all original from the mind of me.

Here’s how it all went down.

Be. A. Badass a.k.a. BE. BRUCE CAMPBELL.#StepsToSuviveAHorrorMovie

Do not fear death.

My horror writing peeps seriously need to get in on this! and teach these kids some #stepstosurviveahorrormovie

DON’T do the deed outside. For cryin’ out loud-get a room…in the city.

Don’t think your kindness will win the killer over. Look what happened to Machete in the Halloween remake.

Get the virus. You’ll survive off of the flesh from people who don’t read the #StepsToSurviveAHorrorMovie

Be all, “Yo, my beef ain’t witchu man. I’m a minority! I don’t even like camping!”

Be in Twilight, NOT any. other. vamp. movie.

Pull up in a blue van that reads ‘Mystery Machine‘.

Tell the killer while smoking a cigarette, “They went that-a-way!”

Wear a)  leather/hockey mask/bag over your head b) carry a large stabbing weapon c) act crazy. You’ll blend right in.

You have two ways to run. AWAY from the killer…or back in the house with him. Come on.

Have Undead by Hollywood Undead playing in the background.

##

Word. That’s it. Neat huh? Share your own steps to survive a horror movie!

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About Tymothy Longoria

Tymothy Longoria has been described as a writer with a flair for the dramatic (whether this is true still remains to be seen). He is a fan of all things fantastic, metal music, black t-shirts, and aligns himself with geeks, nerds, and all manner of monsters, and is an ardent, optimistic supporter of his fellow creatives. He has written several short stories for the online macabre zine Underneath The Juniper Tree and in 2012 was awarded Debut Author of the Year by Twisted Core Press for 'Envy', his contribution to the Seven Deadly Sins Anthology. He is currently editing his full-length dark fantasy retelling, Revenants: Book One of The Stories. Fairy tales? If only. Legends will be reborn. Tymothy calls Texas home, where he lives with his wife, two children, and a cat called ThunderCat aka Kitty PawKitty. He is represented by Bree Ogden of Red Sofa Literary. View all posts by Tymothy Longoria

4 responses to “Steps To Survive A Horror Movie

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